Warcraft: The Undead Spoof

[Protoss119]

Necromancer: Hey. Toss is making a spoof of The Frozen Throne, the undead campaign. Don't like it? Too bad. Wanna fight abou-

Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Necromancer: WTF H4X- ~kaboom'd~

Narrator: Errm, well anyway, it begins like this...

Detheroc: I'm hungry.

Balnazzar: Shut up. You're a Dreadlord.

That Red Dreadlord: What? You couldn't remember my name? I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE! ~sues~

Sylvanas: Shouldn't we shoot them?

Kel'Thuzad: No, it's our job to stand here and watch.

...

That Red Dreadlord: coughcougharthascoughcough

Arthas: Oh, right.

Suddenly the gate crashes down.

Arthas: Archimonde's dead!

Balnazzar: So?

Arthas: ...The Burning Legion collapsed!

Balnazzar: So?

Arthas: ...You're gonna die!

Detheroc: RUNZORS!

They all teleport away.

Arthas: Noobs. OK, what we gotta do is kill all the humans in here.

Kel'Thuzad: I don't see why we can't enslave them-

Arthas: DO NOT QUESTION BLIZZARD'S WILL!

Kel'Thuzad: -_-

Arthas: Do not let more than 20 peasants escape!

Sylvanas changes the difficulty to Uber Easy and presses the rewind button on Arthas.

Arthas: -more than 1337 peasants escape!

Kel'Thuzad: Deux ex Machina. ^_^

15 minutes later...

Necromancer: I'm bored. ~a red dot appears on a peasant~

Adjutant: Sapperstrike detected.

Peasant: Sapperstrike?

100000000 Goblin Sappers: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Peasant: WTF H4X

A huge explosion engulfs the playing field.

Necromancer: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS MORE LIKE IT!!!!!!!!! ~obliterated~

By that time, Arthas, Kel'Thuzad, and Sylvanas had escaped, but Sylvanas is mysteriously missing...

...actually, she's over there. ~camera zooms into a hill~

WRONG HILL!

~camera centers on Sylvanas~

Balnazzar: Hi.

Sylvanas: Hi.

Balnazzar: Wanna have an alliance?

Sylvanas: Sure. I just wanna kill Arthas though.

Detheroc: BOOOORRRRIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!!!11111one

That Red Dreadlord: Seriously, is the 1337 5p33k necessary?

Detheroc: You used it.

That Red Dreadlord: That's because it's called 1337 5p33k, not leet speek. Leet speek is too dull.

Detheroc: 1337 5p33k is 1337 5p33k.

Balnazzar: Shut it, both of you. Anyway, I don't trust Sylvanas. She's still an elf.

Detheroc: No she isn't. She's undead.

That Red Dreadlord: She's an undead elf.

Balnazzar: PWNED

Sylvanas: I'm still standing here.

Balnazzar: Oh, right. Meet you in that one city.

Sylvanas: Kay. ~runs off~

Detheroc: Well, that was dull...

Meanwhile...

Narrator: Oh, on a side note, no Dredocs were forgetness gun'd in the making of this spoof.

Dredoc, Pally Edition: Forgetness gun'd? ~gets shot by a forgetness gun~

Narrator: MOVING ON...

Kel'Thuzad: So those siezures have been getting worse?

Arthas: Yeah. Tylenol doesn't help, either.

Kel'Thuzad: Well, the next door leads to a trap.

L100 Blademaster: DAMMIT!

Arthas: Better avoid it. ~goes through the next one~

Balnazzar: Hi Arthas. We're here to overthrow you.

Kel'Thuzad: Whoops, wrong door. I was pretty sure this one wasn't a trap.

Arthas: Dammit! Break through the door and help me!

Kel'Thuzad: Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but it seems your signal's...fading out. I couldn't make out that last part. I'll try to re-establish contact later.

Arthas: You're not Duran. Now break through the goddamn door.

Kel'Thuzad: Yeah, OK.

Samir Duran: Did it work?

Kel'Thuzad: Nope. He's immune to it.

Samir Duran: Dammit. That usually works.

As per Arthas' request, Kel'Thuzad breaks down the doors and helps Arthas escape.

Kel'Thuzad: I'll meet you outside the Castle Gates.

Arthas: Kay.

Later...

A few banshees have rescued Arthas. They're out in the wilderness.

Banshee: OK, rest here so you can get hit by a poison arrow.

Arthas: What?

Banshee: Nothing...~kills one of Arthas' ghouls~

Then Sylvanas tries to shoot Arthas with the poison arrow, but it misses.

Arthas: Haha!

...except it's homing and hits Arthas.

Arthas: Awww...

Sylvanas: Ha! You can't move, biotch!

Arthas: OK then, kill me.

Sylvanas: But making you suffer is more fun!

Kel'Thuzad: ~sugar'd~ DIEDIEDIE! ~goes casting spells at the Banshees randomly~

Sylvanas: Note to self: Kel'Thuzad + Sugar = Bad. ~runs off~

Then at the docks...

Arthas: Now, Mr. Anders- I mean, Kel'Thuzad, I need you to watch over these lands.

Kel'Thuzad: Yes, Emperor Arthas.

Arthas: That's King Arthas.

Kel'Thuzad: Whatever.

Well, he gets there. When that happens...

Arthas: Oooh, blood elves.

Blood Elves: We've come to kill you!

Arthas: Well, then...DIE!

Suddenly, Crypt Fiends come out of the ground.

Anu'Barak: STRIKE! WE MUST KILL ARTHAS!

Arthas: Don't you want to kill the Blood Elves?

Anu'Barak: What blood elves?

Arthas: The blood elves up there.

Anu'Barak: I don't see any.

Arthas: Whaddya mea- ...ohhhhhh...

Anu'Barak: The Overmind has sent me to assist you, Emperor Arthas.

Arthas: KING Arthas.

Anu'Barak: Whatever.

Arthas: I don't see any Zerg infestation on you. You sure the Overmind sent you?

Anu'Barak: What are you talking about? The Lich King sent me!

Arthas: But you said Overmind!

Anu'Barak: What about the Overmind? He sent me, y'know.

Arthas: Bah, forget it. Let's just go kill stuff.

Anu'Barak: Kay.

A few moments later...

Sylvanas: Kill Balnazzar.

That Red Dreadlord: Better idea. ~ties him to an Undead Car~

Balnazzar: The night beckons for- ~the Car takes off at superspeed~ WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

And guess who's in the car? None other than...

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!

Balnazzar: WTF H4X-

The Car goes boom.

That Red Dreadlord: Everybody wins.

Detheroc: I'm still hungry.

That Red Dreadlord: You're still hungarian?

Detheroc: No, HUNGRY.

That Red Dreadlord: You're still hanging in there?

Detheroc: NO! I'M HUNGRY!

That Red Dreadlord: You're a halberd?

Detheroc: OF COURSE NOT! I'M A FREAKIN- ~polymorphed into a Halberd~

Garithos: Haha! Humans are superior to Halberds!

Then Detheroc gets unpolymorphed and eats Garithos. Unfortunately, racists don't taste very good and Detheroc gets indigestion and dies.

OK, Later...

Arthas and Anu'Barak are going to the Nerubian ruins.

Arthas: Are we there yet?

Anu'Barak: No.

...

Arthas: Are we there yet?

Anu'Barak: No.

...

Arthas: Are we-

Anu'Barak: Shut it, Emperor Arthas.

Arthas: KING ARTHAS.

Anu'Barak: Whatever.

Narrator: Well, it goes on like this for a while until a few dwarves ambush them.

Arthas: Muradin's dwarves!

Dwarven Sharpshooter: That's right! We're here to kill ye, Emperor Arthas!

Arthas: KING ARTHAS!

Dwarven Sharpshooter: Whatever.

Arthas: Slight problem with that...

A red dot appears on the sharpshooter.

Adjutant: Nuclear Launch Detected.

BOOM

...yeah...moving on...after Arthas gets out of the ruins, he needs to go fight Illidan.

Illidan: YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME!

Arthas: Eat this. ~drops a DotA bomb~

The battlefield becomes a game of DotA.

Lesale Deathbringer: DIEDIEDIE! ~killing lots of treants~

Darkterror: BLYARGH! ~spawnkills Lesale~

Seriously, Faceless Voids are the bane of all Venomancers. Anyway, Illidan has Arthas on the ropes.

Illidan: Time to die, Emperor Arthas.

Arthas: KING ARTHAS!!!!!!!

Arthas flies into a rage and beats the hell out of Illidan, killing him. Game ended, the Lich King is saved, the scourge are forever, and...blah blah blah.

Fin.

Varimathras! It was Varimathras.

Varimathras: And it took you A WHOLE DAY to figure that out with help from a FRIEND?! Yeah, I'm suing.

BUT WAIT! We're not done.

Arthas is going up the Frozen Throne and...he's walking and...still walking...and...hey, wanna play DotA while we're waiting? Err, too late, he's already up there.

Ner'zhul: RETURN THE BLADE!

Arthas: But I just put 300 enchantments on it!

Barun (NWN Chapter 3): You're welcome.

Ner'zhul: COMPLETE THE CIRCLE!

Arthas: Eh...looks kind of like a cube to me.

Ner'zhul: KILL ME, YOU DUMBASS!

Arthas: Oh. Gladly.

Arthas thrusts his blade into the throne and they fuse into...

Arthas/Ner'zhul (Archon): WE ARE ONE...oh shit.

Guess what? There's a Science Vessel looming right over them. EMP Cannon'd. As well, Tassadar comes and kills them with one shot.

Tassadar: That's for killing me in Starcraft, you Blizzard bums!

(Bonus Credits)

Baku: Storm, Earth, and Fire! Heed my- ~shot by Necromancer~

Necromancer: Yeesh.

Rock music starts playing.

Arthas: What, I fuse with the Lich King and all I get is this lousy ice guitar?

Necromancer: Yes.

Arthas: ...sweet! ~starts rockin', shot for corniness~

Kel'Thuzad: 'bout time.

Fin.

[JYAP]

Teh red dreadlord is Varimathras. And Garithos has the most pathetic death ever: getting eaten by 3 ghouls. Otherwise,a little too random,but ok.

[Protoss119]

Yup. Racists don't taste good though.

~edits~

[JYAP]

I play Obsidian Destroyer whenever Wing forces me to play DOTA. If you don't know,basically,he's a supporting hero that relies on uber-high intelligence. His skills are Arcane Orb,which deals damage equal to a percentage of his current mana,Refresh Aura(or something like that)which gives a chance to restore mana upon casting a spell,and has a chance to trigger off the Destroyer's orb,Banishment,which is like Stasis Field,but it only lasts for 4 seconds on heroes,it's single target,and the Destroyer leeches 2 Int per second the hero is banished. His ultimate deals damage equal to the difference between his int and the enemy heroes times an amount based on the level of the ultimate. Of course,having no int stat,regular units are killed outright.

He's fun,and according to Wing,he's one of those guys suited for coming out of nowhere and killing people. Works for me.

[Protoss119]

As you can see, I play the Venomancer. Lesale get Shadow Strike, which slows down the target as well as Poison Attacks which are pretty much essential as well as Summon Ward which summons a ward. His ultimate is Poison Nova which hits enemies around him with a poison wave. I like to give him the Mask of Death and hit someone with Shadow Strike, then suck the life out of him while he struggles to attack him. Mask of Madness is better, but meh.

Also, I only edited the Balnazzar's Execution and end parts of the spoof. Read those so you don't have to waste time reading through the entire spoof.

[Protoss119]

I threw in more stuff at the end of the spoof. I also have an alternate ending for ya.

~lightning and thunder as Arthas walks past two lines of Illidans~

Illidan: Mr.Arthason! Welcome back! We missed you.

Arthas: It ends tonight, Illidan.

They both charge at each other and they both get blasted back. Then Illidan flies into the air with Arthas on his tail. Yeah, Matrix-esque fight.

Kel'Thuzad: Toss could use some originality.

Anub'arak: You took the words right out of my mouth. And for that you must DIE!

<Insert epic fight between Kel'Thuzad and Anub'arak here>

Anyway, Arthas and Illidan turn into big blue lights and continually crash into each other until they hit the ground causing the biggest explosion ever seen by man...or woman. Or construct. In fact, constructs would overasplode just by seeing it. Blind people are safe though-

Arthas: FOCUS!

Oh, right. Arthas and Illidan emerge and Illidan turns Arthas into another Illidan.

Illidan: Is it over?! ~head blows off along with all of the other Illidans~

Yeah. It pretty much goes on like that.

[JYAP]

rofl. Arthas doesn't strike me as anywhere near Neo though.

[Protoss119]

More material.

Sylvanas: Burn in hell, you son of a bitch.

Arthas: They had those words back then?

Sylvanas: DOES NOT COMPUTE- ~head asplodes~

Later...

Arthas, while walking up to the Frozen Throne, gets caught in a traffic jam.

Arthas: Oh for f***'s sake...

When he gets up there...

Ner'zhul: ARTHAS...I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!

Arthas: That's all you needed me for?

Ner'zhul: Pretty much.

Arthas: ...~kills him~

[Protoss119]

The Nerubian ruins start to rumble.

Arthas: Take cover! ~runs off~

Anub'arak: Arthas!

Then they get separated.

Anub'arak: Well, at least I still have forces.

Goblin Sappers: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR- ~asplode upon spawning~

Infested Terrans: I am wretched, but I am STRONG!

All of Anub'arak's forces go boom.

Anub'arak: ...~flames the wall like some sort of internet idiot~

[JYAP]

Arthas: Weee,pretty fire!(steps in the blue fire)

Arthas has died.

(RESET)

Arthas: What's down there?(falls down,can't get up)

Arthas has died.

(RESET)

Arthas: What-

Goblin Sapper: DO NOT RUN! WE ARE YOUR-

The sappers are torn apart by...

ZERG RUSH ZOMG

(RESET!)

Arthas: I-

Cheat enabled!

Victory!