The Star Wars Spoof/Fanfic Thread (Because there's nowhere else to put it. XD)

[Protoss119]

Yes, this thread has to do with Star Wars. Forgive me if this seems off-topic, but this subforum is quite frankly another whole forum. I didn't want to put it in Rune's Pub; otherwise, it would look useless, which it isn't. I saw plenty of unrelated stuff in the guest area, so I thought this would be a good place to put this, too. So yeah, let me explain this concept to you.

This post is for all Star Wars-related spoofs, fanfics, etc. If you have a fanfic that you want R&R'd or have a funny-as-heck spoof you want to share with the rest of us, send 'em down here. Also, feel free to R&R other fanfics and spoofs. May the force be with you!

I have a spoof of me own here.

Skywalker

Hoth, Rebel Base, 11:00 A.M.

To the left of the Rebel Base, a rebel speeder bike speeds into a mountain (purely on purpose, of course). To the right, rebel snowspeeders are successfully repelling an AT-AT. Meanwhile, a stormtrooper (Shockus Soldierus) finds himself at the rebel shield generator.

Stormtrooper: Hmm...I wonder what this button does? ~presses button on a nearby console~

KABOOM

I think you know what happens next - the shield generator blows up.

Rebel: Noooo!

Meanwhile, inside the rebel base, Darth Vader walks the icy corridors.

Darth Vader: Soon, that ship of Solo's will be mine.

A stormtrooper by the name of Stormy the Trooper approaches Vader.

Stormy the Trooper: Excuse me, Lord Vader, but shouldn't you be going after Luke?

Vader: Luke who?

Stormy: Luke Skywalk-

Vader: THAT NAME HOLDS NO MEANING TO ME.

Stormy: Yes, I know that, Lord Vader. ~clears throat~ Well, anyway, ~he pulls out a stand and puts some slides on it~ There's this guy named Luke whatsisface...

Vader: Skywalker?

Stormy: Yes, Skywalk-

Vader: THAT NAME HOLDS NO MEANING TO ME.

Stormy: But you said it yourself.

Vader: No I didn't.

Stormy: Yes you did.

Vader: Nuh-uh.

Stormy: Yeah-huh.

Vader: Nuh-uh.

Stormy: Yeah-huh.

Vader: Nuh-uh.
Stormy: Yeah-huh.
Vader: Nuh-uh.
Stormy: Yeah-huh.
Vader: Nuh-uh.
Stormy: Yeah-huh.

A rebel trooper comes nearby.

Rebel: Hey, look! A stormtroo- ~is shot by Stormy~ AAAUUUGH!!!

Stormy: That's Stormy the Troo- AAAUUUGH!!!! to you, buddy boy!

Vader: Anyway, what are you trying to show me with these slides?

Stormy: Oh, right. There's this guy named Luke who wants to free the galaxy from the Empire's grip by becoming a Jedi...

(Note: These smilies represent the slides that Stormy is pulling up)

Stormy: ...now, the Emperor doesn't like Jedi, so what you need to do, and it would be a good idea to do this before the Emperor tells you this, is battle Luke...



Stormy: ...and turn him to the dark side...

- Join me, Mr. Anders-I, I mean, uh, Luke!

Stormy: ...or else the Emperor will deliver onto you terrible pain!



Stormy: Any questions, Lord Vader?

Vader: How did you learn all of this?

Stormy: Errm...well, it's a long story...

Vader starts force-choking Stormy.

Vader: TELL ME.

Stormy: It's...hard...to do so...with you...choking me...my lord!

Vader sighs and releases him.

Stormy: Well, um...it all began with...Hey, look! Is that Luke over there?

Vader: ~turns in opposite~ Where?!

Stormy shoots Vader with his E-11 Blaster Rifle a few times and he dies.

Vader: Well, that was a very random ending.

Stormy: Quite.

Fin.

[Almuric]

But Vader isnt supposed to die!! Luke saves him!

[Protoss119]

Oh! Right! Well...erm...I'm going to...uh...Hey, look! It's Darth Vader!

~shoots him while he's looking the other way (not really)~

The spoof itself doesn't follow a saga, and it's not a part of the Star Wars script despite the fact that it has to do with Star Wars. Vader doesn't actually die, as you pointed out, but also, a stormtrooper didn't press a button to blow up the Shield Generator; the Blizzard 1, piloted by General Veers, fires at it and blows it up. So basically, I spoofed the script of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, hence the term 'spoof'. Anything that happens in the spoof doesn't happen in the actual trilogy.

[Almuric]

yes, of course i realized that!

[Protoss119]

A new spoof I managed to create.

Battle Droids

Endor, 5:00 P.M.

6 Trade Federation Assassin Droids are hunting Ewoks on the moon of Endor: PWN-666 (obviously the leader), LUK-777 (The...uh...lucky one), ZEL-329, TRR-653, MSC-234, and AGT-007 (Thinks he's the hero). So you know, all 6 of them are carrying sniper rifles. These assassin droids witness a spectacular battle between an AT-ST and 3 ewoks.

ZEL-329: Blimey!

TRR-653: Yeh, what an incredible sight.

PWN-666: Don't forget, we'll be shooting those ewoks pretty soon.

MSC-234: Aw, but they look so cute and furry...

AGT-007: Fear not, my brethren, for I, AGT-007, will save the furry creatures from certain death!

PWN: ~shmacks him~ What the douse are you thinking!? We're trying to SHOOT them!

MSC: Aw, but they look so cute and furry...

AGT: Fear not, my brethren, for ~in PWN's mind~ Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!

PWN: AGT, MSC, shut up. We're shooting ewoks and that's that.

LUK: Yeh, I'm getting bloody tired of this.

The three duos (WTF?) move closer when they hear a rumbling sound - an AT-ST falling to the ground. This causes a leaf to fall and get crammed into MSC's eye thingie, the one all battle droids have, as is portrayed by this badly-drawn one.

Battle Droid.bmp

MSC: ~starts malfunctioning~ I'VE BEEN WORK'N ON THE RAIIILLROAD, ALL THE LIL' LONG DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TRR: SHUT HIM UP!

AGT: Of course. It would be my honor to smite the-

Before AGT can finish, PWN has shot MSC.

PWN: Blasted leaves. Blasted eye things. Of course, without those, we couldn't see. You! ~points to ZEL~ Carry MSC around because I said so.

ZEL: Yeh, alright. ~picks up MSC~ Garn, this one's heavy.

TRR: This blasted gun is heavy!

PWN: Quit complaining. We have ewoks to kill.

And so the 6...or 5, in this case...went off to kill their fair share of ewok. In a few moments' time, they finally find one.

ZEL: Aww, he's so cute!

Ewok: Wicka wicka wicka wicka...~inspecting ZEL~

PWN: Bloody SHOOT HIM ALREADY!

AGT: Of course, your lordship! I shall do as you-

PWN: Take five, AGT. I'll get it done. ~shoots the ewok~

Ewok: Wheeeeeeeaaah! ~flinches~

ZEL: Aww, PWN! You shot 'im in the stomach!

The ewok takes out a horn and plays it, thus alerting other ewoks to the droids' presence.

TRR: Garn!

PWN: FIRE!

The droids fire on the ewoks. ZEL finds it very hard to aim as he has an unsubconsious droid on his back. Suddenly, the ewoks dogpile on the said droid, but the combined strength of TRR and ZEL pull him back into the fray. Suddenly, the ewoks dogpile on ZEL.

ZEL: Nooooo! Blasted furbags! Everything...going...black...too...furry...

TRR: ZEL!!!

ZEL: It's too late for me...save yourselves...~crushed under the weight of the ewoks~

TRR is eventually pulled under the ewok dogpile and destroyed, too. The remaining 3 or 4 are in full retreat. Suddenly, MSC-234 reactivates, goes somewhere that looks like a stage to him, and starts singing.

MSC: JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE ALL THE WAY!!! OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAY! JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE-

Suddenly, MSC is gunned down by an AT-ST.

Imperial Officer: Shut up!

AGT: I'll save you! ~shoots an ewok~ I did it! ~30 or so spears are thrown into his metallic carcass~

LUK: It looks like this is the end, buddy boy!

PWN: It's been a pleasure hunting with you, my boy!

Suddenly, a Lambda Shuttle lands and picks them up in just enough time to escape. Inside the shuttle, two stormtroopers approach PWN and LUK.

Stormtrooper: You'll be brought back to the Death Star where you'll be interrogated.

PWN: I don't know whether to thank you or to kill you.

Stormtrooper 2: Kill us with what?

PWN and LUK find that they don't have their sniper rifles, but instead take out two blaster pistols.

Stormtrooper: Oh heck.

The two droids quickly dispose of their opponents.

PWN: Quickly! We're going to Mustafar!

The two of them fly off to Mustafar in the Lambda shuttle.

A few moments later...

They're there.

PWN: Welcome to MUSTAFAR!!!

...............

LUK: Well, this sucks.

Fin.

[Unregistered-JYAP]

My turn!

Random Nameless Fight Above Kashyyyk-CIS VS Republic.

Inside Republic Command Ship...

Alpha 111: MOVE OUT!

Pi 3.14: OBJECTION!

Alpha: Shut up. I'm the commander,and I say MOVE OUT!

Pi: I vote we frag this commander!

Alpha: Whatever you say commander.

Pi: Oh cool! Yay-(thermal detonators get shoved down his throat)

Alpha: Now then. MOVE OUT!

In the droid ship...

Droids: ATTACK. ATTACK. ROGER ROGER.

Unit 123: Who's Roger?(ignore'd)No,who's Roger?(still)WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS ROGER-(shut down for defiance)

Unit 1337: I'm bored. (flies into republic ship)Hi guys.(draws laser rifle,shoots Beta in the head)

Beta: BLOODY MURDER-(dead)

Gamma: He killed Beta! CHARGE-(shot)

Mu,Nu,Delta,Epsilon: FOR THE REPUBLI-(bazooka'd)

Alpha: Morons.(takes off in starfighter and begins gunning everyone down)

Unit 789: Look out for tha-(slams into torpedo and explodes)

Unit 987: MY TWIN-(is distracted,slams into ship)

Unit 666: I-(body explodes)

Satan:BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Alpha: Aw shut up.(magically gets out of ship,pulls out demon launcher,shoots Satan)

Satan: WTF HAX-(blown back under)

Unit 1337: (has obtained the Elite Rifle)This is boring.(dispatching various soldiers)

Alpha: (has obtained a secret laser for his ship)This is boring.(dispatching various ships)

Sadly,neither wins. The objective was to take the main ship's systems offline. Being too busy killing people,it never happens.

Pi: Well this stinks!(jumps out airlock randomly)

No one cared about Pi...

[Protoss119]

ROTFLMFAO!!!



Battle 'o Hoth

Hoth, 1138:00

Three Redneck rebels see an Imperial AT-AT Walker approaching the base.

Billy: Whoah! What in the hell is dat!?

Bob: Looks like one 'o dem walker critters!

Joe: Which one was dat 'gain? The...uh...AT-EH or some'n?

Suddenly, a snowspeeder carrying a pwnage bomb flies over them and delivers the bomb onto the AT-AT, thus destroying it.

Snowspeeder Pilot: YES- ~crashes into the same AT-AT which respawned~

Meanwhile, at the Echo Base Hangar, another snowspeeder launches with another pwnage bomb, but is caught in a traffic jam of several other snowspeeders, each with their own pwnage bomb.

Snowspeeder Pilot: ~honks horn~ C'MON, I GOT SOMETHING TO BLOW UP HERE! ~honk honk~ BY THE EMPEROR'S BLACK BONES, MOVE IT!

The one in front suddenly boosts (but nobody follows after him) and drops his pwnage bomb on the AT-AT. It then crashes into the same AT-AT which respawned. The next one in front boosts and repeats the same process.

So if you don't understand, it's kind of like this.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 AT-AT

7 boosts, obviously in front.
7 drops the pwnage bomb onto the AT-AT. The AT-AT blows up and respawns.
7 crashes into the same AT-AT.
6 boosts and repeats the same process that 7 did.
5 repeats the same process that 6 did, and so on.

OK, moving on, some random rebel is riding a Tauntaun near the Imperial Command Post.

Rebel: Look at me, y'all. I'm riding a rather useless Tauntaun for no reason at all. Is that kewl or what?

Suddenly, both the rebel and the Tauntaun are blown up by a rocket fired by an Imperial Shock Trooper. Meanwhile, back at the Echo Base Hangar...

Random Rebel 1: Look! I finished my story! I finished my story!

Random Rebel 2: I don't have time for it.

Random Rebel 1: Awww.

The Rebel's story is more or less parts of the Star Wars books ripped off. It kind of goes like this:

Back on Dagobah
Darth Vader
flew into the Death Star and
cut off
Luke's lightsaber
in Mos Eisley
Han Solo, captain of the
X-wing
fell into the Sarlaac pit and
picked up the Emperor and threw him off the
TIE Fighter

The Ed

As you can see, it's pretty random. Back on the Battlefront, Luke Skywalker has just spawned and makes a mad dash for the AT-AT, attempting to saber it to death. Before he can even reach it, it blasts him with its particle cannons, at which point he blows up.

Moving on, a TIE Bomber flies into the chaos and bombs a single rebel.

Rebel: ~stares at the bombs~ Cooooool- ~is blown to smithereens~

Darth Vader suddenly spawns and uses his superb speed (lol) to get to the shield generator. A snail speeds past him.

General Veers: ~in the AT-AT~Perhaps you could move a bit faster, m'lord?

Darth Vader: Perhaps.

Darth Vader uses his force speed to bolt to the shield generator, at which point he speeds halfway through it.

General Veers: The Shield Generator is in range, m'lord. Commencing attack.

Darth Vader: NO WAIT DON'T-

Veers fires the AT-AT weapons at the shield generator, blowing it up and taking Lord Vader's life with it.

AT-AT Pilot: ~busy setting up a trap to kill Veers~ Perhaps Lord Vader was in that shield generator?

General Veers: Yes, yes...I must inform Lord Vader of our success.

General Veers attempts to walk off and steps on a panel on the ground that triggers a trap. The panel releases some steam which causes the smoke alarm to go off, thus raising a noise-powered generator to reach maximum power levels thus activating the fan which blows a toy boat into a button (by now, General Veers has already walked off) which causes a hoverpad carrying the boat to move to the left and trigger the activation of a small turret next to it which fires and would hit Veers.

Pilot: Blast! The turret needs to be stronger.

The Pilot makes a few adjustments to the turret, even though it had nothing to do with it.

Thanks to all the chaos that happened here today, the Empire and the Alliance suffered a stalemate.

Fin.

[Unregistered-JYAP]

Space Battle over Kashyyyk,take two.

(same starting until they launch)

In the clone ship...

Zeta 999: Sir! Unknown warp signature detected!

Alpha: Let me see...Star Fox? WTF is that?

(as Alpha is talking,4 Arwings fly out into the fray)

Fox: Let's go! All ships attack formation!

Slippy: Your carcass is mine!

All the ships suddenly stop,then turn towards Slippy.

Clones: Truce?

Droids: Roger roger.

Slippy: Eh...heh...meep...FOX! GET THESE GUYS OFF ME!

All the clones and droids are chasing Slippy and shooting him...and are yet unable to kill him despite their 1000+ hits on him.

Falco: Wow. You guys suck.(nova bombs Slippy)

Slippy: I'm monkey food if I don't leave-Whoa! Something's wrong with the G-Diffuser!

Falco: THAT'S MY LINE YOU (bleep) (bleep)!(is so angry,JUMPS out of arwing,somehow lands in a gunship,throws pilot out,shoots up Slippy some more)

Slippy: (crashlands on Kashyyyk where mutant monkeys eat him)

Fox: You ****in killed Slippy!

Falco: So? He always needed help.

Fox: BUT I NEED THE LIFEBAR HE DISPLAYS ON BOSSES!

Falco: Not my problem.

Clones+Droids: Shut up now.(focus fire Falco's less durable Arwing that he magically warped in)

Falco: OH ****!

Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!

Falco: Oh fine.(barrel rolls)

7 Clones: (lasers bounce off arwing and blow up their ships)

Falco: W00T!(keeps barrel rolling)

Krystal: Why haven't I been mentioned yet-(is erased from this blooper)

Droids: (send those buzz droids to attack the Great Fox)

Fox: PEPPY! DO A BARREL ROLL DAMMIT!

Peppy: (doesn't,crashes and blows up both cruisers. The explosion throws Fox into a wormhole. As for Falco?)

Falco: (still barrel rolling) THIS PWNS!(hits a small speck of rock,explodes)

Alpha(who still breathes somehow):...WTF just happened?

End.

[Protoss119]

ROFL! We could put these on Gametalk and get a few laughs out of an audience.

[Unregistered-JYAP]

Quick! Post My Pw!