The OFFICIAL Midknight Nine fanfic,by JYAP

[JYAP]

Narrators are for chumps.

Harnersnaps fingers,Serind,Raran,Drago,Rali,Sugnus,and Loristan all appear on the ground)Your performance in the Survivor segment of this story displeased me. I'm getting rid of all of you but 1. How will this be decided?(teleports them to the store Jade was at when she blackmailed Harner and Wandera to coming)Last one standing wins. Watch for the occasional item. And...go.

Serinddropped near the sporting goods,finds the guns)...

RaranWARVEN STEALTH!(disappears)

Sugnus:No fair. (taps Drago with left hand trying to get a alliance)

Drago:BLARGH! (dies)

Sugnus:Oh,that's my undead arm. Oh well! (searches for Rali)

Ralifound Serind,gets shot)Ow!(max flamestrikes Serind)

Serind:YEOWHOTHOTHOTBURNINGHPDEPLETINGWAYTOOHOTAGH CANTUSESPACESORPUNCTUATION-

Raran:RAWR(pokes Serind)

Serinddrops dead)

Harner:This is boring. (drops in Surge and The Ninja,who team up and lay traps everywhere)

Raranflips dead on traps)

Ralilikewise)

Loristan:Huh?

Harner:Loristan wins! Oh,I lied about the firing thing. (revives everyone)

At Bodom's rebuilt rebuilt fortress...

Bodomlifts another glass of wine)

All the other guys:HARNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bodom's glass breaks,his wine rack blows up,and the highest tower falls on Bodom.

Bodom:CURSE YOU HARNER! I'LL GET YOU!

Short,but I updated,didn't I?

[Felonious Monk]

Mmmmmm... wine. *gurgles*

[JYAP]

Sugnus:I'm so forgotten,it isn't documented how I die in the last chapter! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! So,I became the new narrator! Now I'll get some respect!(walks to narrating booth,trips 10 traps)GFLARGLE!(dies)

Surge:Whoops!

Harner:So-

Bodom:NO MORE! I AM SICK OF THIS!

Jade:Bodom-

Bodom:WHAT DO I NEED TO GET TO HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET AROUND HERE?!?

Jade:Bodo-

Bodom:EVERY TIME I TRY TO RELAX,HARNER DOES SOMETHING THAT DISRUPTS MY PEACE!

Jade:BOD-

Bodom:I'M ENDING IT RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE GOING DOWN HARNER!

Jademorphs into minotaur)BODOM!

Bodom:What?

Harnerhad called all of Bodom's victims to pummel him)

Bodom:...oh...

Lessee...1 guy has dual zealot blades,another is packing a chainsaw,a third has a whip,and yet another has a grenade launcher for a arm. Goon 5 has a magic headband that gives him 1337 martial arts,and 1 more has a quadrupled barrel shotgun. Oh,and Wandera has a BFG out. And did I mention Surge and The Ninja didn't stop at trapping the store and the booth? Cause as Bodom tries to run,he trips several slow and tangle traps. And some random bard guy cast Silence on Bodom too.

Bodom:Well,this bites.

Shush,you can't talk remember? Oh,and 1 guy has a 13375P341< bullhorn out and is leading the charge by firing on Bodom.

F15510l\l (V)411_3D l\l00B1_37

After 5 minutes,there's only Bodom's ashes. Lesson? Listen to Jade.

[Felonious Monk]

Damn skippy.

[JYAP]

Narrator Kirbyoyo!(is hit by warp star)WAAAAAAaaaaaahhh...(DING!)

Harner:So-

Computer:WARNING,WARNING,CUTENESS ALERT! CUTENESS-(BOOM)

Harner:O_O...too...cute...! Escape pods! Hurry!

(everyone ejects as the base is overwhelmed by...Kirbys?)

(All Kirby text from this point on is translated.)

Pink Kirby:Yay! We have our own base!

Red Kirby:Ooooooh,what does this button do? (presses button)

Somewhere...

Goth:CRAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIN!

Ninja:You need to die. Now. (slices off goth's head)

Back at the base...

Yellow Kirby:Wow,look at all the stuff! (grabs mega shotgun off armory wall,fires at Green Kirby)

Green Kirby:BLARGH! (loses a life)

Blue Kirby:Carbon Kirby! Don't jump on that!

Carbon Kirbyis bouncing on a lever)Wheeeee!

Orange Kirbyis crushed by a piston)

Purple Kirbyfound the secret candy stash,swallows it all)...WHEEEEEEEEEEECANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY!(bou nces all around the base,slamming Chalk Kirby into...Bodom? WTF? Didn't he get vaped last chapter?)

Chalk Kirby:Ahh! Scary sorceror dude!(swallows Bodom,becomes Magic Kirby)Yay!(spins roulette...and it lands on the ? mark)

All Kirbiesget a random power)

Sapphire Kirbygot the U.F.O. power)Cool!(zaps random Waddle Dee...hey wait a minute,WTF?)

Kirby Enemiesare attacking)

Chocolate Kirbygot Wheel power)Hey Cherry Kirby! I bet I can kill more than you!(lawnmows 10 Waddle Dees with wheel power)

Cherry Kirbygot Crash power,blows up 23 enemies)I win!

Snow Kirbygot Ice power,freezes a Sword Knight,kicks him into several Snooters and Emerald Kirby)

Emerald Kirbygot Magic power)Ow! Grrr...(activates roulette,which lands on the sword)

Metaknight:KILL TIME!(dices up all enemies)

Kirbies:...HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Harnerreenters base,activates Kirby Quarantine,trapping them in a room with regenerating candy)Whew. Crisis averted.

Bodomfingers Harner)Nope.

Harnerhad a ankh of reincarnation)Pwned. (shoots Bodom with a cannon)

Lesson? Kirbies are evilly cute.

[JYAP]

Narrator:Now-(trips,falls in a pot of boiling acid)

Harner:Ok,now that-Hey,WTF?

Jade:Well,that's strang-Errr,wha?

Wandera:I have no clue what's goin-...I got double dissed...

Forest Imps:Kekeke...

Rock:There's the culprits! Get them!

Jade:Where'd he come from?

Harner:I invited him. CHARGE!

Despite the team's 1337 n00bslaying skills,the imps are winning,until...

Garland:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!(plows down imps trying to run away)

Imps:Ke..ke.....ke....X_X

Harner:Why was he naked-Wait,nevermind,I don't wanna know.

Lesson:Imps do weird things.

[JYAP]

Harner:Well-(is hit by nonexplosive rocket,is flown to Iraq)

Everyone Else:WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Rock:What now?

Jade:I say we break into his stash and steal his candy!

Everyone:YEAH!(open door to reveal...)

Kirbies:HIIIIIIII!

Rock:MY EYES! THEY'RE TOO CUTE!(falls into a lava pit)

Jadeshuts door fast)O...k...let's get his armory!

Everyone:YEAH!(open armory door to reveal...)

Theodinis somehow riding a horse(even though dwarves can't ride horses),and has the riders of Rohan behind him)FORTH EORLINGAS!

Wandera:RUN!!!!!

Droim(who has somehow reintergrated from part 6)trips,is trampled)

Jadecloses door)O_o...let's mess around with the security settings?

Everyone:YEAH!(open control center door to reveal...)

Surge and The Ninjafinished rigging up the security lasers to fire on everything)Adieu!(disappear)

Dracois turned into swiss cheese)

Jadesteals Wandera's kama,hits security panel with it,closes door)

Wandera:HEY! THAT'S NOT CHEAP Y'KNOW!

Jade:Ok,we're all alone...not good-(bumps button)

Wanderais sent to Yeti Mountain)Uh oh...

Yeti:ROAR!(eats Wandera)

Jade:Well...Harner won't be happy to see this-

Random Moronic Muslims:JIHAD!(somehow end up wielding miniguns,chew through Jade)

1 hour later...

Harner:I'm back from killing Muslins!...Holy shit...(activates mini-Omega Continenty,mutilating everything in base,then revives his fellow guildmates)

Lesson:13 is very unlucky.

[Felonious Monk]

Miniguns are for pansies. Pick up a battle axe and fight like a minotaur you shameless heathens!

[JYAP]

Narratorlooks left,then right)Phew...coast is clear...

Myrrh the Mamkutetransforms into a dragon,crushes narrator from above)

Harner:Aw screw it,I'm gonna get interuppted. Let's head to the camera room to watch whatever will happen now.

1 portalopens up on 1 side)

Eliwood:...Athos,are you sure this is the way back?

Athos:Of course! I can't be wrong now can I?

Other Portalopens up on opposite side)

Eirika:Seth,this doesn't look like the way back to Renais...

Seth:Nonsense,I'm sure it's this way!

2 armiesmeet each other)O_o...who are you?

Karel:Too boring. Must kill.(stabs Rennac)

Rennac:MY CRAPPY PREPOMOTED SPLEEN!(dies)

Dozla:HE KILLED RENNAC!(slams axe on Karel's skull)

Karelhas crappy HP and Def,dies)

Guy:HE KILLED KAREL!

WAR!!!!!!!

Marcustrips,lance impales self)

Sethtrips,falls in lava pit)

Ninian+Tethysget in some weird dancing contest to see who can reenergize the most troops)

Rockis enthralled)

Harnerclonks him with the hilt of his katana,KOing him)

I'm not going to elaborate on everything. Here's the order of deaths:

Duessel:Found out why Wallace wrote the Manual of Knightly Prowess
Wallace:TKed by Vaida
Vaida:Lyn wanted payback
Bartre:"Oooooooh,shiny..."Of course the lava pit is shiny
Garcia:Too underleveled
Ross:Arrr,Dart keelhauled him brutally
Dart:Ross had A support with Lute
Pent:Found out SS sages<FE7 sages
Saleh:Vengeful apprentice!!!
Erk:Turns out Ewan was a Summoner
Ewan:Summon was the spirit of Pent
Vanessa:Guns=Bows=Dead Peg Knight
Syrene:Shouldn't have gotten so close to the line of fire
Wil:Ticked off Gilliam
Serra:Suicided after finding Erk dead
Florina:Hit the Yeti Mountain warp
Fiora:Followed Florina
Neimi:Ran away crying after Matthew threw a stone at her
Matthew:VERY ticked off assassin Colm
Colm:Jaffar got the OHKO faster
Jaffar:There was a ballista with 1 use left and Neimi used it before running
Oswin/Gilliam:Killed each other fighting
Moulder:I didn't know Canas had a spell that turns useless priests into mold...
Joshua:Guy had backup with Karla
Guy:Was found by a gang of rabid yaoi fanboys/fangirls
Raven:Got carried off as well
Luciusitto
Artur:Luna'd and Axe-in-head'd
Dorcas:Lute had B support with Artur
Canas:Lived through Lute,but had to deal with Innes
Innes:Accidently got in the way of Ephraim's lance
Tana:Suicided after Innes died
Priscilla/Natasha:Saw no more point to this and left the battle
Farina:Too bad Priscilla left,she could have healed her
Rebecca:Owies...that ricochet arrow left its mark...
Legault:Apparently Franz doesn't take kindly to thieves...
Forde/Sain/Kent/Kyle:Found each other,gawked at how similiar they were,and asploded
Franzangit,don't eat Lowen's cooking!
Lowen:That applies to you too Lowen!
Renault:Was hanging back when a Kirby walked by and swallowed him
Lute:Found Mad Steve's spellbook from GameFAQs,and touched it,disintergrating her
Louise:Really bad ribboncut from Ninian by accident
Heath:The other side found guns too
Cormag:Was found impersonating Swiss cheese
Isadora:Bazooka backfire
Nino:Kidnapped by Lu Aza of GameFAQs
Lu Aza:All perverts must die. Painfully.
Myrrh:Noob trail to GameFAQs,where they had a shortage on stupidity
Tethys:Ninian had enough,and morphed into a dragon
Ninian/Nilsidn't know Siegmund and Sieglinde pwned dragons...
Karla:Overexertion
Marisaitto
Gerik:I knew chucking that sword up would lead to accidents...
Amelia:Guess a Silver Blade was too big for her
Anyone Else I Forgot:The lords pwn too much

By the end of the brawl,only Ephraim,Hector,Eirika,Eliwood,and Lyn are left.

Harner:Ok,I'm bored.(drops them in lava pit)

Lesson:Characters from other games of the same series should never meet.

[JYAP]

Bregor and his cronies:HAR HAR WE INVADED AND TOOK OVER!

Harner:Ack,nooblars! Go guys go!

Raliappears with other chars,assaults cronies)

The Ninjais KDed,dies after reducing Bregor to Badly Wounded)

Bregor:Ha ha you suck! You're like 10 levels higher than me and I beat you! Ha ha!

The Ninjalets loose Kirby,the DM-enhanced dire wolf)

Kirbymauls Bregor)

Bregor:OH MY GOD! HE'S TEARING OFF MY-

Meanwhile...

Ralinukes a cronie back to hell)

Cronie:You use the same spell over and over again noob! I'm still better than you!

Rali:It works,doesn't it?(implodes cronie)

Harnerhas dealt a moderate amount of damage to another cronie)

Cronie:Loser,you can't even beat a 15th level dwarf.

Harner:No amount of Expertise will save you from THIS!(shoots cronie with mega shotgun)

(DONG)

Cronies:Well,we suck cause we aren't made for PvP!

Harner:Then why the hell are you here?

Serind:They want to volunteer for pincushions.(turns cronie into 1)

Raran:No,they obviously want to get dizzied by too many hits.(does so to a cronie)

Drago:Nah,they wanna be blown up in one spell. (BOOM)

Cronies:X_X

Harner:Nooblar invasion over. Commence normal Al-killing activities.

Lesson:Nooblars suck.

Oh,and taking effect today,I can only be on 5 hours a day. Unfair,huh? I'm open to suggestions as to what times I should spend my precious hours.