The OFFICIAL Midknight Nine fanfic,by JYAP
Me:Hi everyone! Wandera has given me permission to write a fanfic(or story for you computer illiterate)about us! Why don't you see what happens when a very imaginative-(is hit by a dictionary thrown from somewhere)OW! Ok,I'll start!
Narrator:Now,we will chronicle the stupid yet humorous adventures of the oh-so-stupid Mid-Hey wait,what are you doing with that katana?!? Wait! WAIT! AGH! MY SPLEEN!
Harner:Stupid narrator...Anyways,we got to go defeat that evil sorceror,Bodom!
Wandera:Why is he evil?
Harner:You try resisting a 36-39 Finger of Death of his. Anyways,to get to his fortress,we need to cross the Desert of Noobs,past Warrior Nation-
Droim:Why past Warrior Nation? Why not recruit them?
Harner:Uhhh...taco?
Everyone else:-_-;;;
Harner:Anyways,then we gotta go through No-Noob's Land-
Jade:No noo-OW!(gets hit with a Octagon Rod)
Harner:Shut up already! And then we have to-y'know what? Just screw it and follow me.
(In between the starting point and the desert...)
Jade:Are we there yet?
Harner:No.
(5 minutes later)
Jade:Are we there yet?
Harner:No!
(5 more minutes)
Jade:Are we there yet?
Harner:Yes.
Jade:Really?
Harner:NO!
(insert average intermission between these scenes here)
Jade:Are we there yet?
Everyone:NO!!!
Jade:Grrr...
Harner:Hey,we're here!
Wandera:How noobish are these noobs?
Random Noob With Two Katanas And Is A Human Rogue:YAAAAA!
(SLICE POUND WHAM KAMACLERIC'D!)
Harner:You see? Now,let's go!
(30 minutes,27 brutal katana carvings,19 concealment kills,15 fireballs,17 axe beatings via minotaur,and 30 kamacleric'd!s later...)
Everyone:(is getting really tired)
Wandera:Can't...take...anymore...
Zet(Yes,it's Borag's wizard and he is part of us):Out...of...fireballs...
Jade:I wish...this desert...was shorter...
Droim:So...hot...want...outta here...
Harner:Well why didn't you say so?(pulls out bag of holding,takes out 5 Mega Shotguns)1 for everyone!
Everyone:???
Harner:They're mega shotguns! Guaranteed frag every shot!
Wandera:You mean we could've used this to start with?
Harner:Yup.
(At Bodom's citadel)
Bodom:It's good to be evil.(holds up glass of wine,but just as he's about to drink it...)
Everyone:HARNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!
(Bodom's glass shatters)
(Back to our heroes...)
Everyone:(made it across with a record 20 shots total)
Harner:Yay! We made it across! Now to-
To be Continued!
Harner:Hey!!! Let me finish-
To be Continued!
Harner:LET ME-
Ninja:(throws Mage Masher dagger at Harner,shutting him up)
To be continued!!!
Part 2:Warrior Nation isn't that nice...
Narrator:When we last left off,the moronic Harner gave the also-stupid crew a mega shotgun. GO BODOM!
Everyone: :evil:
Narrator:AHH! NOT MY HEART! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
(Err,right. Moving on...)
Harner:Ok,now we gotta get past Warrior Nation.
Jade:When do we get there?(throwing axes fly into the crew's mega shotguns,breaking them)
Harner:Now. RUN!!!
(Everyone splits up as 5 different Warrior Nation people chase them.)
(Chase music from Scooby-Doo starts playing)
Wandera:(is chased into a dead end,but runs back,then runs up the wall and flips off it behind his chaser)
Jade:(is running...then wonders,why didn't she morph? Not long after that,a minotaur was seen mopping the floor with someone from WN...literally)
Zet:(runs by a pole,flips onto it ninjastyle,and flings fireballs at his pursuer,then jumps off and runs the other direction)
Droim:(ran into a conveniently placed House of Mirrors,and has a holiday with his concealment spells torturing the poor WN dude)
Harner:(runs until there's a stairway down,places his shield down,and uses it to surf down,then hits a switch to make the stairs a up escalator,then trips the WN guy somehow,putting him in a perpentual fall down a up escalator)
Everyone:(meets up at the exit)
Wandera:Whew...
Harner:At least we didn't run into-(CLANG)...Theodin. RUN SOME MORE!
Theodin:(closes all exits)YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Jade:Do we panic now?
Harner:Yes. WAAAAAAH!!!(runs around screaming)
Wandera:Wait. Harner,he's about your level,right?
Harner:Yeah. I just can't beat him somehow.
Wandera:...Plan D,now.
Harner:Errr...Plan D?
Droim+Zet:(fire off a relentless barrage of Bigby's Forceful Hands,Fingers of Death,and Issac's Greater Missile Storms)
Theodin:(was wearing a reflect ring)
Droim+Zet:X_X
Wandera:Oh boy. Plan S?
Harner:Plan S?
Jade:(morphs into minotaur form,then is exposed to some chemicals via Wandera to be even stronger)JADE SMASH!
Harner:Originality factor:0.
(WHACK)
Harner:Owww!
Jade:(tries to hit Theodin,but even in plate,he's too fast for sluggish blows)
Theodin:(eventually criticals with Ki Damage...5 times...in a row)
Jade:X_X
Wandera:Yup. We're dead.
Harner:How bout Plan Z?
Wandera:Plan Z?
Harner:(reaches into his bag of holding,takes out a device,pushes the button labelled FFT Mode)
Room:(morphs into a FFT battlefield)
Wandera:What does this do...and what the heck am I?
Harner:Oh,you're a white mage.
Wandera:I hate light magic!
Harner:You get the strongest spell in the game.
Wandera:Sold.
Harner:(moves behind Theodin,slashes twice with his dual Spell Edges,deals 260 damage total)Ninjas rule.
Theodin:(has turned into a Knight,and promptly uses Weapon Break on Harner...and hits)
Harner:NOO! MY SPELL EDGES! WAAAAAAAH!
Wandera:(shrugs,and charges up Holy)
Theodin:(in slow-mo,runs at Wandera,trying to stop the spell)Nooooooooo!
Wandera:(hits with Holy,deals 300+ damage)
Theodin:X_X
Harner:We won! Yay! Now-
To be continued!
Almuric,if you find this part offensive to your guild,I'll replace it with some other random guild.
Part 3:The return of the noobs...
Narrator:When we-
Sugar-high Lancer:WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!(bounces THROUGH narrator several times)
Wandera:C'mon,let's go!
Harner:What do we do with them?(points to KOed party members)
Wandera:(evil smile)
(Later,en route to No-Noob's Land...)
Harner:(is tossing bag with KOed members ahead)Wow,great plan Wandera!
Wandera:I'm full of em!
Droim+Zet+Jade:(have woken up right before being tossed)WHOA!!!
Harner:Yup,they're awake. Oh look,there's No-Noob's Land.
Wandera:Why is it No-Noob's Land?
Harner:Cause all the noobs go in,but the pros here slaughter them. Wonder how long till-(is spotted via searchlight)Oh boy.
Mr.Truck:Attack,my minions!
Wandera:What do we do?
Harner:Oh relax,they can't be-(gets surrounded)...Shoot. Uhh...let's be friends? (WHAM SOCK POW KA-TANG INSERTBEATINGHERE) X_X
Wandera:We're dead. Too bad we don't have a really powerful weapon to wipe them out with. (several weapons from The Grid start raining down) Wow. Ask and ye shall recieve. (picks up bullhorn)What's this thing do?(pulls trigger,sends random pro into a wall)
Zet:Ooooooooooh...(touches flash cannon,watches it fire,massacring whoever got in the way of it)... :twisted:
Droim:(picked up a cannon)Hmmm...(fires it,sending a huge cannonball into a guy,which is stuck on the cannonball until he slams into the wall)
Jade:Something about this seems so right.(sweeps up enemy with machine gun)
Wandera:Hey look,cash! (collects it all) Hey,what's this huge round thing with a fuse?(throws it)
DA BOMB!
Every Pro:X_X
Mr.Truck:Well...err...noob ghosts,attack!
Wandera:You gotta be kidding me. (turns them)
Harner:(wakes up)Wow,you guys totalled them.
Mr.Truck:I'll...just...sneak away now...(is hit by a random falling anvil and dies)
Harner:Well,we're outta here. Now-
To be continued!
Part 6:Insanity in mass amounts doesn't help...
Narrator:Hey look,JYAP's finally updating...HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO UPDATE! APOCALYPSE! AHHHHH-
Spriggan Army:Ready for a wee bit of fun?(STAB'D)
Harner:Hey guys,guess what? We're going on a side quest!
Jade:(triggers siren)SIDE QUEST ALERT! NO DRILL!
Everybody:(runs for cover)
Harner:I've got candy!
Everybody:(jump all over Harner for candy)
Harner:Oww...anyways,the perfact cleric(Author Note,no misspelling,that's his name)escaped to the Warlords Battlecry world. He's obviously a noob,and noobs gots to die. (opens portal)Ok,let's go.
Everybody:(jump in,but get stuck trying to get through the small portal)
Zet:(shoots fireball at ground,charboiling him but breaking the roadblock)
Everyone:(drop out of the portal in 5 different places)
Harner:Ok,our target is in the middle. Do whatever you want. (is Fey,and starts massing Spriggans)
Wandera:(ends up Knights,starts upgrading cavalry while making them)
Jade:(got the Ssrathi,giggles with glee at the dinosaurs available,and makes a army of them)
Droim:(gets bum rushed by a nearby assassin den,and is pwninated by the rigged chance of assassination)
Zet:(has the misfortune of thinking his hero is uber powerful,and without building anything,suicides into a mass of towers)
Cleric:(is The Swarm,but is so noobish,he just makes a lot of ants)
All goes smoothly until...
Cleric:(while alt-tabbing out,finds a hak pak and hacks away)
10 dragons:(pop up in his base)
Everybody:Oh poopie.
Harner:Perhaps God can help?
God:No,now go away,you're interuppting my game of Pong with Satan.
Harner:Crap,we're doomed.
Almuric:(counterhacks,makes Spriggan produce rate 2 seconds,all Knight's cavalry fully upgraded,and dinosaurs get +100 armor)
Harner:Yay!
Cleric:(hacks more,gets every titan possible)
Almuric:(hacks even more,powers up all heroes to level 500)
Cleric:(hacks up his units so they're invulnerable)
Almuric:(is annoyed,hacks into Cleric's computer...with a battle axe...)
Cleric:(gets deleted)
System:WARNING WARNING,SYSTEM ERROR. 5 MINUTES TO TOTAL ARMAGEDDON. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
Lord_of-Death(A old Warcraft III clanmate):(takes out spoon,stabs system announcer dead)
Army of Undead Narrators:(rise up)
Flying Monkeys:(fly into a volcano)
Spriggans:(start stabbing themselves)
Goths:(bring in boom box,play thier horrible music)
Virtual Reality Room:(malfunctions from all the insanity,shuts down)
Harner:Told you it can't tolerate that much insanity!
Droim+Zet:(are ashes)
Harner:...whoops.
Part 8:Don't mess with the master
404:Narrator Not Found
Harner:It's over Al. It's ineviable. I will be the new champion!
Almuric:No! It's not possible!
Harner:Yes!
(camera zooms out,revealing Al and Harner playing Fire Emblem. Harner has 2 units left,supporting each other. Al has Marcus.)
Harner:(has his 20/20 Matthew attack Marcus)
Battle Summary:Matthew OHKO's.
Almuric:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Harner:Told you you shouldn't have leveled Marcus.
Almuric:Grrr...I betcha I can get more kills than you can in LOTR:The Return of the King for GBA!
Harner:You're on.
Game:(is inserted. Almuric chooses Gimli. Harner chooses...Smeagol?)
Almuric:Hah! You got that itemless wimp?
Harner:(is level 20 compared to Gimli's 10)
Almuric:(selects The Black Gate on Easy)You'll never win!
Harner:(proceeds to systematically decimate everything in sight)
Summary:Harner 102,Almuric 23
Almuric:Grrr...I bet I can beat you-
Wandera:(socks Al)Give it a rest. We want a turn too!
Thus concludes this short chapter. If it offends Al in any way,I'll swap him for Jade.
The part that goes in between the last two:DEATH...
Narrators are for squares!
(Cue picture of a battlefield. The sky is red with blood,there are mangled bodies everywhere,and there's screaming.)
(pan camera to Harner with a bloody katana)
Harner:And that concludes our demonstration of how to dispose of annoying FFTAers. Any questions?
Random FE Guy:Yeah. How do you dispose of idiots from IGN?
Harner:Good question. (gives another demonstration)
(repeat above description)
Harner:And that concludes that demonstration. Any more questions?
Peasant:Help help! I'm being repressed!(STAB)
Harpy:I know!(STAB)
Grunt:Stop poking me!(STAB)
SCV:GET ME OUTTA HERE!(STAB)
Acolyte:My life for Aiur...Err,I mean,Ner'zhul.(STAB)
Noob:HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-(STABx1000)
Pac-man:Wakka wakka wakka-(STAB)
S.S. Dolphin:I'm gold and shiny!(STAB)
Verant Official:I-(PWNINATED'D)
Mystic Official:But-(BURNINATED'D)
Blizzard Official:-(SMITE'D)
Idiotic Yu-Gi-Oh Fanatic:YU-(STABBITY DEATH)
(all is silent...until...)
At Bodom's rebuilt citadel...
Bodom:(lifts a glass of wine to his evilness)
Everyone:HARNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!(Bodom's glass shatters,and a brick falls on the wine rack)
Harner:What?
Everyone:(launches into a flurry of whining how the server is down,how they wanna play EB,how all noobs must die,etc.)
Harner:Why me?
Part 9:Shifters are evil...
Narrators? Nah,we're all out.
At Wal-Mart...
(Harner,Wandera,and Jade are going shopping. Actually,just Jade. Harner and Wandera got blackmailed into coming.)
Jade:(is undecided between two different shirts)Ooooooooh! This one or this one?
Harner:Do I have to?
Jade:Do you want over 1,000,000 people to see your secret?
Harner: :-(
(On the other side of the store...Yes,it has another entry you dope!)
(Bodom,Theodin,and the perfact cleric's female rogue(referred here as Rogue)enter...under the same conditions as the first group)
Rogue:Oooooooooh,shirts! Come on guys,let's go!
Jade:(has finally decided on a shirt...cept Rogue wants it)No! It's mine!
Rogue:Mine!
Jade:Mine!
Rogue:Mine!
Jade:Attack my minions!
Rogue:What she said!
Harner+Theodin:(weren't planning on fighting and left thier weapons and shields behind)
Wandera+Bodom:(didn't memorize spells beforehand,and Wandera's shoulder is sore)
Jade+Rogue:Don't just stand there! Do something or I'll tell your secrets!
Harner:(shrugs,as if saying oh well,then socks Theodin one...sadly,they did remember to bring thier armor)OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Bodom:(starts looking around the nearby Sporting Goods isle,finds a baseball bat,and moves to clobber Harner with it)
Wandera:(found the beer bottles and hurls a few at Bodom,stopping him short)
Theodin:(tackles Wandera,but is smashed by Bodom's bat,now wielded by Harner)
Harner:(clocks Bodom on the way to Sporting Goods,tosses Wandera dual tennis rackets,then dashes to the guns section,but trips thanks to Bodom)
Theodin:(drinks a few beer bottles,gets REAL drunk,starts throwing anything nearby at Wandera...including Bodom)
Bodom:(smacks me for making him the victim of so many attacks,then snags a golf club and whacks Harner where it counts...and where he has no armor not expecting that sort of attack)
Harner:(pretty much curses out Bodom in 20 different languages,then finds a conviently placed pitching machine,puts it on Hyper Fast,and watches Bodom get beaten back by all the balls)
Wandera:(really needs more HP...and a way to keep Theodin at bay,cause he's not doing so well deflecting all the bottles...for those of you keeping score,it's 30-Love ATM,with Theodin having won a set)
Harner:(finally makes it to the guns...only to discover,IT'S PLEXIGLASS!)Hmmm...
Theodin:(is nearby,and easily provoked in his state of drunkenness)
Harner:Hey,shorty!
Theodin:WHUT?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!(charge s at Harner)
Harner:(sidesteps,allowing Theodin to crash into the glass)Ole!(retrieves a rifle,gives Bodom payback where it counts)
Bodom:X_X
Theodin:@_@
(alas,the fight was for nothing,because the shirt was torn between the two ladies)
Harner+Wandera after seeing this: :-x
Jade:DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(goes into Dragon form(Harner:But she's level 18!),mauls Rogue viciously)Ok,I'm fine,let's go back.
But just as they're about to go back...
Jade:GASP! WHAT A CUTE HAT!
Other group containing 2 guys and a gal:MINE!
Harner+Wandera:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!
(to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies' end song)
Now it's time to say goodbye to Harner and all his friends
His friends would like to thank you for stopping in
Y'all come back next day to this forumity
And have a heapin helpin of our insanity!
Chaos,that is.
Stuff blowing up.
Writing wills.
Y'all come back now,ya hear?
Part 11:The dawn of a sub-series...
Harner:Everyone,we have a new member.
Draco:I'm Draco.
Everyone:Hi Draco!
Draco:Ever since-oh wait,this isn't Alcoholics Anomynous. So,how do things go around here?
Harner: :devil:
(before Harner carries out his evil plan,a rip in the space-time continum shoves several video game characters out violently)
Peppy Hare:Do a barrel roll!
Jade:Ummm...no.
Ellador:I fear nothing!
Draco:(polymorphs to Dragon)
Ellador:AHHHH!(runs like a little girl)
CATS:All your base are belong to us.
Wandera:-_-;;;
Ma Chao:I am the sword of justice!
Harner:Ummm,Ma Chao,that's a spear...
Minos:Gather the troops-oh look,elven scum.
Wandera:WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?
Minos:(overtakes Ellador running away)
Karel:It will rain blood...
1,000,000 Peasants:You're the king? Well,I didn't vote for you!
Karel:(fulfills his prophecy the obvious way)
Arthas:Frostmourne hungers.
Harner:YOU KILLED ILLIDAN! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!
(Arthas runs,then trips,and suffers stabbity death)
Tymothi:Fight for justice...fists of fury! Repeating Fist!
Kirby:Hiiiii!(is hit by every fist)POYO!(sucks up Tymothi,swallows,gets samurai-ish red armor)Poyo!
Rahu III:Scanning...404:Custom Robo enviroment not found.
Jade:O_o?
Link,Spawn and Heihachi:(all see each other,and brawl over which one is better in SC2)
X:Charge Shot...
Draco:(puts a cork in X's X Buster)
X:NOW!(BOOM! X goes flying into the wall)
Bass:CRESCENT KICK!(flip kicks Heihachi into the spiked ceiling)
Master Chief:I-
Every Nintendo Character:GET HIM!
(Master Chief is hit by Kikuichimoni,several Arwings,a Nova Strike,4 criticals,Link's bombs,a CRESCENT KICK,and alot of Wyrm shots)
Black Mage:I AM THE BLACK MAGE! I CASTS THE SPELLS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
Draco:(makes use of the Black Mage Shield kit nearby)
Serind Tylner:(through some freakish accident,is ported into here...and googles at all the tech)
Gandalf:YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Jade:(walks by Gandalf)
Metroids:(enters)
Samus:(starts freezing and missling them)THERE CAN ONLY BE NONE!
Harner:So,what are we-(ducks under a airborne Spawn as he flies into the lava pit)-gonna do with everyone here?
Serind:Play Survivor:Base?
Harner:Genius! Organize the teams!
Team Slicey:
Ellador
Minos
Gandalf
Tymothi
Arthas
Karel
Ma Chao
Link
Team Blasty:
Black Mage
CATS
Rahu III
X
Bass
Kirby
Peppy Hare
Samus
Serind:The game will begin right after JYAP posts again!
Draco:Wow,what a first day.
Draco=Dragoniser.
Dragoniser=Fine PvPer IMO.
Dragoniser=In.
Do the math. Now,chores are attacking. I'll be back...with weapons!
Part 14:Don't you hate hijackers?
I have returned.
(normally this dragoon would be toast...)
Serind:Because JYAP is not gonna type over 20 seperate logs,all the challenges will be in 1 day. DEAL WITH IT!
Slicey
Without Minos around,everyone gets along better. Ma Chao finally convinces Gandalf that Sauron holds no influence here,and they make a decent shelter. Tymothi's alliance settles that if they lose the challenge they vote off Gandalf. Arthas,however,seems to have different plans...
At a undisclosed location...
Arthas:Is everyone here?
Ellador:Present.
Ma Chao:Ready.
Gandalf:What is this all about?
Arthas:Tymothi,Link,and Karel are conspiring to vote you off.
Gandalf:Why?
Arthas:They think you're annoying with all this talk about Sauron.
Gandalf:Then why are you siding with me?
Arthas:Because I believe that you may prove useful to us.
Ellador:Enough talk. Who shall we vote for?
Arthas:Tymothi is too well-liked around here...how bout Karel? It'd seem natural.
Ma Chao:Very well.
Blasty
Not much happening. They don't even have a alliance at all. How dull. Oh,and Rahu III carved out another shelter.
Challenge time!
Serind:Today's challenge is a physical one. You must kill as many dragoons as you possibly can. Anything's legal. You go when I say go. Go.
Black Mage:Bolt-2!
12 Dragoons:(explode from the zappidy death)
Ellador:I FEAR NOTHING! (leaps into the air,CRUSHES 7 dragoons)
Gandalf:YOU SHALL NOT PASS!(unleashes uber lightbeaminess upon 20 dragoons)
Black Mage:(is ticked at Gandalf showing him up,Flares 24 dragoons)
Gandalf:(sics Gwaihir on 30 dragoons)
Black Mage:(Hadokens Gandalf,AND 40 dragoons)
Link:(takes out a small bomb,throws it in the middle of a few dragoons)
99 Dragoons:(go up in a mushroom cloud explodsion)
Kirby:(is blown away again and says hello to Mister Helicopter)
Black Mage:(suicidally tries to stab away at Karel)
Karel:(goes on a criticalling spree,takes out Black Mage,CATS,Bass,Samus,and X)
Peppy:Don't give up! Trust your instincts!
Rahu III:(blows Peppy up out of instinct,then blows self up)
Serind:I guess Slicey wins. Your reward:100 dollars! I'll see Blasty at Tribal Council.
Tribal Council.
Serind:Welcome to-ah,forget it. Just vote.
Black Mage:(writes CATS)You do nothing and you repeat the same thing over and over.
CATS:(writes Black Mage)All your base are belong to us.
(several more votes are put in)
Serind:I'll go tally the votes. (comes back)...3 votes Black Mage...
Black Mage:WHAT?!?
Serind:...5 votes CATS. The tribe has spoken.
CATS:(leaves)
CATS' thoughts:All your base are belong to us.
Part 15:Serind's Luck Stat:-6
Next Day(does it really matter?!?)
Blasty
Black Mage:WHO VOTED FOR ME?!? WHEN I FIND THEM,THEY WILL DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEE-(is silenced by Serind)
Serind:Good Lord,he's annoying.
All was NOT peaceful at Blasty's camp. Black Mage went into 24 stabbing frenzys,all directed at someone. Rahu III,Samus,Bass,and X had the luxury of body armor...
Peppy:Don't give up! Trust your instincts!(STABBITY!)
Kirby:(is blown away again)
Serind:I just love that fan I use to blow him away.
Slicey
Same old,same old. Darn it,I need something to make it interesting!
Challenge time!
Serind:Today's challenge is...A PUZZLE! You'll need to find all the pieces scattered on the island and put the puzzle back together. The catch? I used 2 1,000 piece puzzles! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh,you're playing for immunity and another fridge. Go.
(Despite Serind's best efforts to be evil,he didn't hide the pieces well. I'm not going to elaborate,but let's just say Karel,Gandalf,Samus,and Rahu III were the main puzzle finders. Eventually...)
Serind:Darn,I knew I should've kept a puzzle piece. Errr...Blasty's winning!
Black Mage:.....(silence wears off)...HADOKEN!(blows Serind into a low-flying plane with Kirby on it)DOUBLE SCORE!
Sugnus Kedwyr:(appears in a flash)Did someone call for a substitute host?
Black Mage:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Blasty eventually wins by 50 pieces)
Sugnus:Blasty wins. Slicey,tribal council.
Blasty
Black Mage:(goes in shelter)When does our reward arrive?
Fridge:(falls on shelter)
Tribal Council
Sugnus:You know the drill.
Tymothi's Alliance minus Arthas:(writes Gandalf)SHUT UP WITH SAURON!
Arthas' Alliance:(writes Karel)See ya you bloodthirsy swordmaster!
Sugnus:Tally time.........3 votes Gandalf(Tymothi is in confusion).....4 votes Karel(Tymothi is even more confused). The tribe has spoken,get out of here before I use my Pale Master arm.
Karel's thoughts:It will rain blood...dwarven blood...
I'm rather annoyed at the lack of feedback I'm getting. I'm not typing anymore till you guys tell me what you think of all my stories.
Part 16:Another one bites the dust
Ohhhhh...oh well. Onto the next episode!
Next Day
Slicey
Insert WTF look on Tymothi's alliance,now feeling small. Not much going on cept for that 1 incident...
Ellador:I shall find some more firewood!
Ellador's Horse:(kicks Ellador where it counts...and into the fire)
Ellador:YEOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. Anyways,at Blasty...
Black Mage:X_X
Kirby:(has tied several rocks to him to prevent blowing away)
Samus:(is having fun making Peppy run from the horror and overall cheapness of Rahu III)
Peppy:Try a somersault!
Rahu III:(somersaults onto Peppy,then blasts him with the Rahu III gun)
Bass:(pulls out every attempt to kill X)
X:(takes no damage at all)
Yeah,general chaos.
Challenge time!
Sugnus:Today-
Karel:BLOOD...
Sugnus:ACK! CURSE MY POOR HP!(is torn to ribbons)
Drago Blimfen:(pops up out of nowhere,Ice Storms Karel into the ground)Like he was saying,today,you'll be stuck in a room with your worst nightmare. You need to try to defeat him/her/it/pie. Team that wins most wins. Blasty needs to sit one out.
Black Mage:(volunteers immediately,which is good,cause he'd never be able to kill Fighter)
Drago:Go.
Ellador:(meets Minos)
Nuclear Explosion:(occurs as Minos and Ellador square off)
Rahu III:(meets Ray Legend with Wyrm gun,and Ultimate legs...which is bad,since Ray Legend's 6 air dashes can run circles around Rahu III)
Gandalf:(meets...the Balrog)
Balrog:P1-13312 (V)3!!!!!!!!1111111111111shift+1
Gandalf:(head asplodes from the 1337)
Drago:Gandalf loses. (revives him)
X:(meets Zero)Oh crap. (is pwnenized by Zero's 1337ness and uberness)
Drago:X loses.
Ellador's Horse:(kicks Minos' head off)
Drago:Ellador's Horse wins. FATALITY!
Bass:(meets Megaman)
Second Nuclear Explosion:(occurs)
Tymothi:(meets Amanda the Lancer)Err...can we talk this out?
Amanda:No chance.(jumps)
Tymothi:(can't move in time)
CRACK!
Drago:Suffice it is to say Tymothi loses...
Rahu III:(should've took a Ion gun into battle)
Ray Legend:(came,saw,and pwninated)
Drago:Rahu III loses.
Arthas:(finds Illidan)Oh pul-leaze. (kills him like last time)
Drago:Arthas wins.
Peppy:(finds Pigma Dengar)
Stupid Advice Nuclear Explosion:(occurs)
Both:(are firing off streams of useless stuff explained in any decent walkthrough)
Kirby:(swallows Meta-Knight)
Drago:Kirby wins.
Samus:(finds a horde of Space Pirates)........-________________-(takes Wave Beam,utilizes Wave Buster combo)
Drago:(records the implosions of every single pirate)Samus wins.
Peppy+Pigma:(are blabbing until...)
Falco:Geez,can't you help yourself?(flies by in Arwing,blows away Pigma)
Pigma:My beautiful reward! Aghaghagah!
Drago:Peppy wins.
Ma Chao:(finds Cao Cao...and his army...all powered up...)...crap?
Drago:Ma Chao loses.
Link:(finds Ganondorf...then everyone that participates in IFW topics on GameFAQs' SSBM social board mauls the Gerudo King)
Drago:Link wi-(Link is then mistaken for his accomplice and is torn apart by the granddaddy of IFW topic's,Mad Steve's,chainsaw)...nix that,he's down. Blasty wins. Also,since Harner's mad about him losing his game hosts,no rewards for you!
Falco:Something's wrong with the G-Diffuser!(crashes into Drago)
BOOM!
Rali Lutgenest:(gates in)Anyways,Slicey,council,now.
COUNCIL TIME LIKE OMGWTFBBQ
Rali:Just vote.
Blah blah blah,insert chatter here.
Rali:4 votes Ma Chao,2 votes Arthas. The tribe has spoken. (gates in a Balor to chase Ma Chao back)
Ma Chao's thoughts:I have no regrets!
...
...
...
Rali:Hey,where's Bass?
Bass:(is STILL fighting Megaman)
Part 18:ZOMG TEH ORCS!!!!!!1111SHIFTONE
Next Day...
Hey,what's that black wave of Orcs marching towards both camps?
Harner:SAURON ATTACK! NO DRILL!
Hunters:(appear at Slicey's camp)
Arkz:(appear at Blasty's camp)
WAR!
Hunters:(start summoning their weapons)
Arkz:(start summoning their monsters)
Orcs:(are following Orc theory(Send a bunch of people after 1 guy))
Well,the Arkz have it easier.
Black Mage:HADOKEN!
2,000 Orcs:(poof)
At Slicey...
Orland:(has summoned 4 weapons,all Swords,and starts cleaving into the Orcs)
Kranz:(picks off 2 with his Rifle)Got 2 already!
Kylria:17.(was using Shots)
Kranz:Grrr...
So you know,last night,I watched bout half of The Two Towers and The Return of the King on DVD,with extended scenes. I'll tell you my favorite parts at the end.
Glustar:(got his Evil Curst along with his Mag Preta,and casts Gibarta)
25 Orcs or so:(freeze)
Kranz:(BLAM)6!(BLAM)7!(BLAM)8!(BLAM)9!
Guykild:BZZZZZZT BZZT BZZZZT! GZZZZZT GZZZZZT!
100 Orcs:(implode from hearing that)
Relmitos:(takes Caduceus in hand,casts Zonde on one guy,then smacks the crap outta another,then Bartas another,then whacks another...)
Stella:(is running really fast with Mechguns in hand,strafing the Orcs and pelting them with bullets)Don't you forget it,nyah!
Trolls:(start coming,smash Stella away,destroying all her Mechguns equipped)
Stella:Owww! I'll get you,nyah!
Guykild:BZZZZZZT BZZ-(CRACK)(Guykild goes flying,and due to his pathetic HP,is not coming back)
Hunters:11 left.
Orcs:7,500 left.
At Blasty's...
All Arkz:(start summoning Claws)
5,000 Claws:(appear to challenge the 10,000 orcs)
Ohgun:(shoots a huge bazooka blast into the fray before the Claws attack,nailing 10 of them)
K.C.:Thou is taking the initiative? Very well. (picks off 5 of them with his rifle)
Lura:(blows away another 5)
Rufina:(uses Action card,doubles AP,then slicers 20)
Reiz:(does not summon monsters excepting guard creatures,and charges into the fray,slicing and dicing with her Partisan of Lightning)
Black Mage:You guys are weak! (starts sniping with his Black Buster)
10 Orcs:(kiss the ground each shot)
No other Arkz needs to fight now. The claws are doing great at killing,and there's Black Mage,shooting off a occasional Bolt-2 or Fire-3.
Eventually,they all die. Too bored to type rest of battle.
Harner:Since Gandalf attracted Sauron,he is voted out automatically.
Gandalf:I contest!
Harner:(is using the C.A.R.D. system,plays Sange Yasha,cheats,and plays Savitri as well,then attacks with Slash-Slash-SW Attack)
Harner's base AP:5.
Sange Yasha strength:4.
Savitri bonus:4.
Slash:+2 each.
SW attack:1.5x increase for sword attacks.
24 damage inflicted.
Gandalf=KOed.
Gandalf's thoughts:Curse you Sauron!
Favorite LOTR part time!
(Pre-Warg battle in The Two Towers,Gimli tries to ride a horse,then falls off)
Gimli:No need to be alarmed! That was deliberate!
(At Helm's Deep,during the attack)
Gimli:Got 2 already!
Legolas:17.
(After the battle,Gimli is sitting on a dead orc)
Legolas:Final Count:42.
Gimli:Well,not bad for some elven prince! I got 43.
(Legolas nocks a arrow,and shoots the orc Gimli was on)
Legolas:43.
Gimli:He was already dead.
Legolas:He was twitching.
Gimli:Oh yeah,he was twitching cause my axe is in his head!
(Return of the King,Pellennor Fields)
(Legolas climbs up a mumakil's leg via arrows,jumps to the rope holding the archers on,cuts it,causing the archers to fall down the opposite side of Legolas,who climbs up,nocks 3 arrows,shoots the mumakil's head,then walks down its corpse in front of Gimli)
Gimli:That still only counts as 1!
Maybe I got the exact quotes wrong,but yeah,that's pretty much how it went. I <3 Gimli...NOT THAT WAY YOU SICKOS!
Break:This is long enough as it. Will you end it already?
Fine...
Part 21:Spriggans are evil
(sirens go off in the base)
Harner:AUTHOR LAZINESS ALERT! NO DRILL! ALL SPRIGGANS SCRAMBLE!
(meanwhile,at my house...)
JYAP:(rubs his eyes open...to see a army of spriggans armed with sticks)...must be dreaming...
Spriggan:Ready for a wee bit of fun?
(10 minutes later)
JYAP:(has a bunch of bruises and a black eye)
The next day,a time anomaly caused the days to go 2 days back,3 days forward,4 days back,then 3 days forward. Read:The next day you moron!
X...is looking surprisingly fine...hey waitaminute!
FLASHBACK LEIK OMG
In a closet...
The closet is filling with robots. So far it holds ROB64,Axl,Napalm Man-no,nix that,he's dead.
Mega Man:What? It's not like I blew him away because he had a sucky weapon!
Anyways,then Reiz walks by...hears the cries...frees them all...and enters a seek and destroy mission for their captor...ok,Teifu didn't get out.
END TEH FLASHBACKAGE
Whatever. Anyways,Black Mage is chasing Arthas around with his stabbing knife for sucking so much in the challenge.
CHALLENGE TIME!
Break:JYAP is getting tired of typing so much Survivor stuff and not doing what this thread was for,so this is the last challenge.
Red Mage:DUN DUN DUN!
Black Mage:Where'd you come from and how are you still breathing?
Break:Anyways,for this challenge,there will be 2 stages. The first stage requires a partner. You will team up and fight another pair Mario and Luigi:Superstar Saga style. The second one is a competition on Star Fox Assault. Now,to balance it out on the first stage...(Break makes a motion,and some players are hit with a lightning bolt,reducing their strength)...good. Pick a partner...good...the matchups will be:
Black Mage and Bass VS Kirby and Link
Tymothi and Ellador VS X and Arthas
GO!
(cue battle music here)
Black Mage:60 HP,15 BP
Bass:80 HP,15 BP
Kirby:70 HP,25 BP
Link:90 HP,10 BP
Black Mage's turn!
BM finds out his Hadoken's been disabled. He attempts a Hand(read:Fire-3)attack on Kirby. He flunks the action and comically roasts himself like Mario would on a flunked Hand attack.
20 Damage! CRITICAL!(50 HP left)
Kirby's turn!
Kirby eats a mushroom.
20 HP!(70 HP left)
Link's turn!
Link tries a Jump attack on Black Mage,and gets the timing right.
15 damage!(45 HP left)
Bass' turn!
Bass uses his Tool(substitute for hammer)on Kirby and succeeds in the timing.
18 damage!(52 HP left)
Black Mage's turn!
BM tries Hand again and hits Kirby. This time,the timing is right.
28 damage! CRITICAL!(24 HP left)
Kirby's turn!
Kirby uses his Tool attack,and inhales Bass. He flunks the timing.
10 damage!(60 HP left)
Bass' turn!
Bass nods to BM,and executes a Bros. Attack! Well,more like a combo,but you know what I mean!
Bass chooses the Hand combo.
Bass charges up his buster with fire. He gets off 3 charges. He then fires them at Black Mage,who takes his dagger and stabs them. Each ball goes towards Kirby.
1st hit:11 damage! CRITICAL!
2nd hit:11 damage! CRITICAL!
3rd hit:Black Mage flunks the timing,and is lit on fire. He collides with Kirby for 6 damage.
Kirby spins,then falls down.
Link:Kirby!
Link's turn!
Link takes out his Tool,the bow,and aims at Black Mage. BM,however,dodges the attack.
Black Mage's turn!
Black Mage starts another Bros. Attack. He chooses Jump.
Black Mage jumps in the air,lands on Bass,and together they jump on Link. No timing mishaps.
30 damage! LUCKY!!!(60 HP left)
I will draw a veil over the rest of the match. Needless to say,Link was doomed. BM ended with 23 HP,and Bass still has full health.
Next match!
Tymothi:100 HP,5 BP
Ellador:80 HP,10 BP
X:90 HP,10 BP
Arthas:75 HP,0 BP
X's turn!
X starts a Bros. Attack on Ellador. He chooses Tool. X generates a hammer,and whacks Arthas,who shrinks to a ball. X then whacks him golf style at Ellador twice.
12 damage!
22 damage! LUCKY!!!(46 HP left)
Arthas' turn!
Arthas starts his Hand attack. To make up for his lack of BP,Arthas needs no timing. He whacks Ellador with a death coil.
20 damage! CRITICAL!(26 HP left)
Tymothi's turn!
Tymothi starts a Bros. Attack on Arthas. He chooses Hand. He flicks his wrist,then charges up a thunder blast. He jumps on Ellador,then jumps above X and Arthas,then unleashes his blast!
99 damage! CRITICAL! LUCKY!!!
X:Arthas!
Break:Foul!
Tymothi:What?
Break:Tymothi and Ellador are disqualified for illegally enhancing their power!
Tymothi:Grrrrrr...DIE!
New battle!
Break:999 HP
Break's turn!
Break slices at Tymothi with his Agito.
635 damage!
Tymothi spins,then falls.
Ellador:Tymothi!
Ellador's turn!
Ellador revives Tymothi with a 1-up Mushroom.
Tymothi's turn!
Tymothi slashes at Break with his Tool.
1 damage!
Break is angered at this,and counterattacks with Rafoie.
422 damage!
Tymothi:Mama mia...
Break:The second part will now start!
The stage:Simple Map 2.
The rules...anything goes.
So you know,it's BM,Bass,Arthas,and X.
BM=Falco
Bass=Wolf
Arthas=Fox
X=Slippy
GO!
BM slinks off with Falco's speed into a hidden spot in the map,while Bass finds a gatling gun and starts causing havoc. Then X finds a Landmaster. Beep beep. Still,it's pretty even until...
BM:Hey,what's this?(finds a Fireburst Pod)Oooooooooooh,cool!(puts it in the middle of the conflict and runs)
Everyone:(move up to see WTF is that)
Pod:(goes kaboom,blowing up everyone with it)
Break:It's decided! Black Mage is the Sole Survivor and wins...
1 C.A.R.D. system interface!
A +5/+5 Keen Vorpal Dagger of Speed!
Robes to add extra spell slots for Hadoken!
A stress relief Fighter doll!
An Arwing!
Annnnnnnnnnnd...RED MAGE'S CHARACTER SHEET!
Black Mage:AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(snags stuff and flies off in Arwing)
Break:Thanks for playing!