Part 22:Battle Royale...wow,that was fast
Narrators are for chumps.
Harner:(snaps fingers,Serind,Raran,Drago,Rali,Sugnus,and Loristan all appear on the ground)Your performance in the Survivor segment of this story displeased me. I'm getting rid of all of you but 1. How will this be decided?(teleports them to the store Jade was at when she blackmailed Harner and Wandera to coming)Last one standing wins. Watch for the occasional item. And...go.
Serind:(dropped near the sporting goods,finds the guns)... :twisted:
Raran:DWARVEN STEALTH!(disappears)
Sugnus:No fair. (taps Drago with left hand trying to get a alliance)
Drago:BLARGH! (dies)
Sugnus:Oh,that's my undead arm. Oh well! (searches for Rali)
Rali:(found Serind,gets shot)Ow!(max flamestrikes Serind)
Serind:YEOWHOTHOTHOTBURNINGHPDEPLETINGWAYTOOHOTAGH CANTUSESPACESORPUNCTUATION-
Raran:RAWR(pokes Serind)
Serind:(drops dead)
Harner:This is boring. (drops in Surge and The Ninja,who team up and lay traps everywhere)
Raran:(flips dead on traps)
Rali:(likewise)
Loristan:Huh?
Harner:Loristan wins! Oh,I lied about the firing thing. (revives everyone)
At Bodom's rebuilt rebuilt fortress...
Bodom:(lifts another glass of wine)
All the other guys:HARNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bodom's glass breaks,his wine rack blows up,and the highest tower falls on Bodom.
Bodom:CURSE YOU HARNER! I'LL GET YOU!
Short,but I updated,didn't I?
Part 23:You should listen to Jade
Sugnus:I'm so forgotten,it isn't documented how I die in the last chapter! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! :-( So,I became the new narrator! Now I'll get some respect!(walks to narrating booth,trips 10 traps)GFLARGLE!(dies)
Surge:Whoops!
Harner:So-
Bodom:NO MORE! I AM SICK OF THIS!
Jade:Bodom-
Bodom:WHAT DO I NEED TO GET TO HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET AROUND HERE?!?
Jade:Bodo-
Bodom:EVERY TIME I TRY TO RELAX,HARNER DOES SOMETHING THAT DISRUPTS MY PEACE!
Jade:BOD-
Bodom:I'M ENDING IT RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE GOING DOWN HARNER!
Jade:(morphs into minotaur)BODOM!
Bodom:What?
Harner:(had called all of Bodom's victims to pummel him)
Bodom:...oh...
Lessee...1 guy has dual zealot blades,another is packing a chainsaw,a third has a whip,and yet another has a grenade launcher for a arm. Goon 5 has a magic headband that gives him 1337 martial arts,and 1 more has a quadrupled barrel shotgun. Oh,and Wandera has a BFG out. And did I mention Surge and The Ninja didn't stop at trapping the store and the booth? Cause as Bodom tries to run,he trips several slow and tangle traps. And some random bard guy cast Silence on Bodom too.
Bodom:Well,this bites.
Shush,you can't talk remember? Oh,and 1 guy has a 13375P341< bullhorn out and is leading the charge by firing on Bodom.
F15510l\l (V)411_3D l\l00B1_37
After 5 minutes,there's only Bodom's ashes. Lesson? Listen to Jade.
Part 24:Kirbies. Thousands of them.
Narrator Kirby:Poyo!(is hit by warp star)WAAAAAAaaaaaahhh...(DING!)
Harner:So-
Computer:WARNING,WARNING,CUTENESS ALERT! CUTENESS-(BOOM)
Harner:O_O...too...cute...! Escape pods! Hurry!
(everyone ejects as the base is overwhelmed by...Kirbys?)
(All Kirby text from this point on is translated.)
Pink Kirby:Yay! We have our own base!
Red Kirby:Ooooooh,what does this button do? (presses button)
Somewhere...
Goth:CRAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIN!
Ninja:You need to die. Now. (slices off goth's head)
Back at the base...
Yellow Kirby:Wow,look at all the stuff! (grabs mega shotgun off armory wall,fires at Green Kirby)
Green Kirby:BLARGH! (loses a life)
Blue Kirby:Carbon Kirby! Don't jump on that!
Carbon Kirby:(is bouncing on a lever)Wheeeee!
Orange Kirby:(is crushed by a piston)
Purple Kirby:(found the secret candy stash,swallows it all)...WHEEEEEEEEEEECANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY!(bou nces all around the base,slamming Chalk Kirby into...Bodom? WTF? Didn't he get vaped last chapter?)
Chalk Kirby:Ahh! Scary sorceror dude!(swallows Bodom,becomes Magic Kirby)Yay!(spins roulette...and it lands on the ? mark)
All Kirbies:(get a random power)
Sapphire Kirby:(got the U.F.O. power)Cool!(zaps random Waddle Dee...hey wait a minute,WTF?)
Kirby Enemies:(are attacking)
Chocolate Kirby:(got Wheel power)Hey Cherry Kirby! I bet I can kill more than you!(lawnmows 10 Waddle Dees with wheel power)
Cherry Kirby:(got Crash power,blows up 23 enemies)I win!
Snow Kirby:(got Ice power,freezes a Sword Knight,kicks him into several Snooters and Emerald Kirby)
Emerald Kirby:(got Magic power)Ow! Grrr...(activates roulette,which lands on the sword)
Metaknight:KILL TIME!(dices up all enemies)
Kirbies:...HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Harner:(reenters base,activates Kirby Quarantine,trapping them in a room with regenerating candy)Whew. Crisis averted.
Bodom:(fingers Harner)Nope.
Harner:(had a ankh of reincarnation)Pwned. (shoots Bodom with a cannon)
Lesson? Kirbies are evilly cute.
Part 25:Something's wrong with the G-Diffuser!
Narrator:Now-(trips,falls in a pot of boiling acid)
Harner:Ok,now that-Hey,WTF?
Jade:Well,that's strang-Errr,wha?
Wandera:I have no clue what's goin-...I got double dissed...
Forest Imps:Kekeke...
Rock:There's the culprits! Get them!
Jade:Where'd he come from?
Harner:I invited him. CHARGE!
Despite the team's 1337 n00bslaying skills,the imps are winning,until...
Garland:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!(plows down imps trying to run away)
Imps:Ke..ke.....ke....X_X
Harner:Why was he naked-Wait,nevermind,I don't wanna know.
Lesson:Imps do weird things.
Part 26:It's a multiple of 13. You know that can't be good.
Harner:Well-(is hit by nonexplosive rocket,is flown to Iraq)
Everyone Else:WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
Rock:What now?
Jade:I say we break into his stash and steal his candy!
Everyone:YEAH!(open door to reveal...)
Kirbies:HIIIIIIII!
Rock:MY EYES! THEY'RE TOO CUTE!(falls into a lava pit)
Jade:(shuts door fast)O...k...let's get his armory!
Everyone:YEAH!(open armory door to reveal...)
Theodin:(is somehow riding a horse(even though dwarves can't ride horses),and has the riders of Rohan behind him)FORTH EORLINGAS!
Wandera:RUN!!!!!
Droim(who has somehow reintergrated from part 6):(trips,is trampled)
Jade:(closes door)O_o...let's mess around with the security settings?
Everyone:YEAH!(open control center door to reveal...)
Surge and The Ninja:(finished rigging up the security lasers to fire on everything)Adieu!(disappear)
Draco:(is turned into swiss cheese)
Jade:(steals Wandera's kama,hits security panel with it,closes door)
Wandera:HEY! THAT'S NOT CHEAP Y'KNOW!
Jade:Ok,we're all alone...not good-(bumps button)
Wandera:(is sent to Yeti Mountain)Uh oh...
Yeti:ROAR!(eats Wandera)
Jade:Well...Harner won't be happy to see this-
Random Moronic Muslims:JIHAD!(somehow end up wielding miniguns,chew through Jade)
1 hour later...
Harner:I'm back from killing Muslins!...Holy shit...(activates mini-Omega Continenty,mutilating everything in base,then revives his fellow guildmates)
Lesson:13 is very unlucky.
Part 27:When did the Fire Emblem portals open?
Narrator:(looks left,then right)Phew...coast is clear...
Myrrh the Mamkute:(transforms into a dragon,crushes narrator from above)
Harner:Aw screw it,I'm gonna get interuppted. Let's head to the camera room to watch whatever will happen now.
1 portal:(opens up on 1 side)
Eliwood:...Athos,are you sure this is the way back?
Athos:Of course! I can't be wrong now can I?
Other Portal:(opens up on opposite side)
Eirika:Seth,this doesn't look like the way back to Renais...
Seth:Nonsense,I'm sure it's this way!
2 armies:(meet each other)O_o...who are you?
Karel:Too boring. Must kill.(stabs Rennac)
Rennac:MY CRAPPY PREPOMOTED SPLEEN!(dies)
Dozla:HE KILLED RENNAC!(slams axe on Karel's skull)
Karel:(has crappy HP and Def,dies)
Guy:HE KILLED KAREL!
WAR!!!!!!!
Marcus:(trips,lance impales self)
Seth:(trips,falls in lava pit)
Ninian+Tethys:(get in some weird dancing contest to see who can reenergize the most troops)
Rock:(is enthralled)
Harner:(clonks him with the hilt of his katana,KOing him)
I'm not going to elaborate on everything. Here's the order of deaths:
Duessel:Found out why Wallace wrote the Manual of Knightly Prowess
Wallace:TKed by Vaida
Vaida:Lyn wanted payback
Bartre:"Oooooooh,shiny..."Of course the lava pit is shiny
Garcia:Too underleveled
Ross:Arrr,Dart keelhauled him brutally
Dart:Ross had A support with Lute
Pent:Found out SS sages<FE7 sages
Saleh:Vengeful apprentice!!!
Erk:Turns out Ewan was a Summoner
Ewan:Summon was the spirit of Pent
Vanessa:Guns=Bows=Dead Peg Knight
Syrene:Shouldn't have gotten so close to the line of fire
Wil:Ticked off Gilliam
Serra:Suicided after finding Erk dead
Florina:Hit the Yeti Mountain warp
Fiora:Followed Florina
Neimi:Ran away crying after Matthew threw a stone at her
Matthew:VERY ticked off assassin Colm
Colm:Jaffar got the OHKO faster
Jaffar:There was a ballista with 1 use left and Neimi used it before running
Oswin/Gilliam:Killed each other fighting
Moulder:I didn't know Canas had a spell that turns useless priests into mold...
Joshua:Guy had backup with Karla
Guy:Was found by a gang of rabid yaoi fanboys/fangirls
Raven:Got carried off as well
Lucius:Ditto
Artur:Luna'd and Axe-in-head'd
Dorcas:Lute had B support with Artur
Canas:Lived through Lute,but had to deal with Innes
Innes:Accidently got in the way of Ephraim's lance
Tana:Suicided after Innes died
Priscilla/Natasha:Saw no more point to this and left the battle
Farina:Too bad Priscilla left,she could have healed her
Rebecca:Owies...that ricochet arrow left its mark...
Legault:Apparently Franz doesn't take kindly to thieves...
Forde/Sain/Kent/Kyle:Found each other,gawked at how similiar they were,and asploded
Franz:Dangit,don't eat Lowen's cooking!
Lowen:That applies to you too Lowen!
Renault:Was hanging back when a Kirby walked by and swallowed him
Lute:Found Mad Steve's spellbook from GameFAQs,and touched it,disintergrating her
Louise:Really bad ribboncut from Ninian by accident
Heath:The other side found guns too
Cormag:Was found impersonating Swiss cheese
Isadora:Bazooka backfire
Nino:Kidnapped by Lu Aza of GameFAQs
Lu Aza:All perverts must die. Painfully.
Myrrh:Noob trail to GameFAQs,where they had a shortage on stupidity
Tethys:Ninian had enough,and morphed into a dragon
Ninian/Nils:Didn't know Siegmund and Sieglinde pwned dragons...
Karla:Overexertion
Marisa:Ditto
Gerik:I knew chucking that sword up would lead to accidents...
Amelia:Guess a Silver Blade was too big for her
Anyone Else I Forgot:The lords pwn too much
By the end of the brawl,only Ephraim,Hector,Eirika,Eliwood,and Lyn are left.
Harner:Ok,I'm bored.(drops them in lava pit)
Lesson:Characters from other games of the same series should never meet.
Part 28:You thought Sorc was bad...
Bregor and his cronies:HAR HAR WE INVADED AND TOOK OVER!
Harner:Ack,nooblars! Go guys go!
Rali:(appears with other chars,assaults cronies)
The Ninja:(is KDed,dies after reducing Bregor to Badly Wounded)
Bregor:Ha ha you suck! You're like 10 levels higher than me and I beat you! Ha ha!
The Ninja:(lets loose Kirby,the DM-enhanced dire wolf)
Kirby:(mauls Bregor)
Bregor:OH MY GOD! HE'S TEARING OFF MY-
Meanwhile...
Rali:(nukes a cronie back to hell)
Cronie:You use the same spell over and over again noob! I'm still better than you!
Rali:It works,doesn't it?(implodes cronie)
Harner:(has dealt a moderate amount of damage to another cronie)
Cronie:Loser,you can't even beat a 15th level dwarf.
Harner:No amount of Expertise will save you from THIS!(shoots cronie with mega shotgun)
(DONG)
Cronies:Well,we suck cause we aren't made for PvP!
Harner:Then why the hell are you here?
Serind:They want to volunteer for pincushions.(turns cronie into 1)
Raran:No,they obviously want to get dizzied by too many hits.(does so to a cronie)
Drago:Nah,they wanna be blown up in one spell. (BOOM)
Cronies:X_X
Harner:Nooblar invasion over. Commence normal Al-killing activities.
Lesson:Nooblars suck.
Oh,and taking effect today,I can only be on 5 hours a day. Unfair,huh? I'm open to suggestions as to what times I should spend my precious hours.
